I’ve missed a few days of the challenge. I told myself, at the beginning of the month, that I would do the best I can to write everyday but I would also give myself permission to miss days where I felt uninspired or too busy. The last time I posted was five days ago. Even though I am not feeling especially creative at the moment, I am forcing myself to write. I’ve been experiencing some end of winter blues and it’s been manifesting as grumpiness. This state isn’t unfamiliar to me, it shows up every once in a while. My reaction to it isn’t new either. I get very impatient when grumpiness arises. It’s not always easy to embrace the uncomfortable stuff no matter how well I know that all emotional states are transient. During my bike ride this morning I went down a path that I often travel on my way to the beach. Part of it weaves through a neighbourhood that is a mixture of stone houses and farm fields. Like a dependable landmark, I always pass by a dog tied up on a short leash in her backyard. She is a Jindo, a Korean breed that is highly valued as guard dogs because of their dependable loyalty and their territorial instinct. There are many of these dogs on the island. Unfortunately, a large number of them are tied to short ropes and left in dirty, shadeless yards. This particular dog I’ve passed since she was a puppy. Even as a pup, she would thrash against the fence in an attempt to attack me as I rode by. Now she is fully grown and her soft white coat has turned to brisly gray from dirt and neglect. Her bark is bigger and more fierce. My heart goes out to her. She looks so lonely lying in the dirt with her head resting on her front paws. I’m sure, since she is a pack animal, she yearns for human contact, but it is in her nature to chase away intruders. So she barks and charges every time a stranger comes near which condemns her to a lonesome existence. As I witnessed this poor animal this morning I couldn’t help but think of my current emotional state and how grumpiness makes it challenging to feel the connection for which I yearn.
I feel your longing to shift the dog’s state along with your own. We are naturally unsettled as the winter tries to break way to spring and this shift, after a year of pandemic seems especially slow and fraught with impatience. I find writing to be a season of its own. I thought myself that I wouldn’t have anything to write this year since I can barely read these days, but I’ve felt inspired. I’ve developed a writing routine each morning and I’ve given myself permission to just write, trying new things, unconcerned about length or lesson. I find the routine breaks the melancholy. I hope it break yours as well.
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You always seem to make poignant observations and write truthfully. These qualities draw me to you. I have also been feeling grumpy which is revealed in my post today too. Like you, I know these moods are transient and will move out as fast as they move in. Still, while in them, it is hard to push forward. I get it.
As far as your dog analogy, I feel for this animal you seem to understand and relate to. When one yearns for connection, sometimes even negative ones are sought. I think I did this today with my grumpy post. But, we, as humans can change and control our circumstances better than this poor dog – chained to a lonely and seemingly dirty existence. My heart goes out to both of you.
I hope your mood lifts. I’ve enjoyed reading your pieces during this challenge. Take care.
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I am glad you wrote, even when you didn’t feel like it. You connection of empathy, through your grumpiness, rang loud and clear. May tomorrow be a better day.
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I feel so sorry for that dog and its state of neglect. Why do people buy dogs and then not look after them? I know how our mood swings can be affected by seasons and all sorts of stuff. Well done for pushing through today.
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I have been missing your writing. You do it so well. You are so inspiring, even today. Longer days are coming, more sun, more vitamins, more energy. You will deserve a jug later today…
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A hug, it’s a HUG you deserve.
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😆
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What a lovely, authentic reflection today. I have been feeling grumpy lately too. Hopefully it’s just a blip and we will be back to our normal, smiley selves soon! Great metaphor with the jindo.
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Wow, Catherine, welcome back. You have written a perfect slice of life today. All our emotions available for writing about. What a great analogy of the dog chasing away perceived threats, even as it longs for someone close. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you are back after a break.
I loved this reminder to me in your piece today: “It’s not always easy to embrace the uncomfortable stuff no matter how well I know that all emotional states are transient.” Thank you for that.
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How are you doing??? Thinking of you!
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Thank you so much for checking in! You’re so kind! I’ve been busy and this month is passing too fast. I hope to post something tomorrow.
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No pressure. Just checking on you! It’s good to be busy.
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